Dwindling into embers

2025-10-26

I figured I should write something here as to keep any readers in the loop. I have been on a working pace that has been slowly burning me out over the last 3-4 months or so. I should've acted on it sooner, but I only realized the state I was in after I noticed how poorly I've started to perform at work.

My job requires a constant level of attention maintained for about half of the working day. That is, I have to go through a long, multi-step process, in which I cannot make a single mistake, in order to do my job. This is straight up impossible for humans to do in the first place, so failures are both expected and tolerated. My rate of failure, however, has gone up, despite my gained experience and deliberate habit-building to make myself more reliable.

This is caused by sheer tiredness. Some days I wake up tired. I've slowly abandoned most other activities I would otherwise be doing in my free time for rest. This includes writing, programming, cycling, cooking, basically all of my actual interests.

What's weird is that I'm not sure if I can label this state as depression. I don't feel depressed. And I would know if I was. I'm just... so.. tired.

Luckily, I found another job that is paying more for less work. I have also inserted a two week vacation inbetween me leaving this place and starting at the other. Here's hoping that this time i'll have a job that is a little more sustainable.